Chains of Fate
by GrumpyGrue
Summary: This fic is abandoned like a baby seal. It is now clubbed over the head. YAY DEAD FIC! Kratos thinks OMG WTH BBQ when a portal takes him to a whack and foreign land. Did the nobles there just interrupt his exciting life in an attempt to make him a slave? Oh no they didn't! *z snap* These chumps are going to get PWNED.
1. The Calm Before The Storm

Disclaimer: I'm not claiming ownership of the ideas of GOW or TFOZ nor am I profiting off of this fanfic (unless you call the fun of imagining scenarios "profit"). If I do intentionally make references to other works, I will probably mention it. Maybe not if I want to mess with people or it seems very obvious to me. Do you like guessing games?

* * *

Professor Jean Colbert scanned the castle courtyard. Dark grey clouds covered the sky in its entirety, as far as the eye can see. An omen of a coming storm. Strong gusts swept across the plains of Tristain, which often made people and scenery look more badass, drama more dramatic, and act as a visual enhancer in general. Too bad Jean lost most of his hair to male pattern baldness, but at least his cloak can billow in the wind. He gazed upon the chipper faces of his students. They seemed eager and rightfully so.

Today was the day of the annual Springtime Familiar Summoning. It's been tradition since the holy founder Brimir taught humanity elemental magics nearly 6 millennia ago. This is the day the second year student mages would pull a familiar servant through a portal. The creature is supposedly the most suitable slave for the summoner and would be bound to obedient servitude until death of the summoner or the familiar.

Jean sighed and gave himself psyching face slaps.

Sometimes he regretted becoming a magic teacher. Most teenaged nobles he knew were ungrateful, pampered, egotistic, stubborn, and selfish. Those people drive him nuts. With their stuck up attitude, mistreatment of others believed to be of lower social standing, and frequent misuse of magical power, Jean's anger management courses barely get him through workdays. He wished he could do something about the brats, but he relented to maintaining the status quo; which was forced dominance by those with magical abilities (nobles) over those without (commoners). Colbert's secret to staying sane? Keep a flask of moonshine inside his cloak and swig when nobody was around.

On the upside, working as a teacher in a distinguished magical academy led to a **big** paycheck. His job position and noble standing made it easier to obtain research grants and fulfill his ambitions though inventing, publishing scholarly articles, and by molding young minds. He could take a few mocking insults about his baldness here and there by snot nosed kids. Maybe he could not rip their heads off, use his staff to torch them with fire spells, or even lightly slap their wrist for the sake of his job, but hey, he could still dream!

Colbert incanted a simple wind spell to amplify the sound of his voice above the din of his chattering second year students.

"Miss Kirche Von Zerbst! Step forth into the summoning circle and begin the ritual!"

* * *

A busty young redheaded woman strutted up to the pink haired midget whose chest was as flat as a washboard. (as most people said behind her back) The well endowed girl known as Kirche "The Ardent" spoke.

"Well Louise, I'm up. Remember yesterday's promise? You said you would summon the best familiar. Pfft! What makes you think you can even summon one? All your spells up until now end in an explosion! You can count on my familiar sharing the fires of my passion! While if you manage to summon... it will probably get an uptight, angry familiar...With a flat chest!" Kirche proceeded to use a typical, annoying, laugh of condescension. "OHHH HO HO!"

Louise turned up her nose and snarked back. "Hmph! Like I'd want those ponderous udders! You call being an easy lay for many men your passion? Disgusting! I shall give you a proper demonstration of passion! My familiar won't be an uncontrollable dog in heat like the familiar you will probably summon! It will be obedient, exist only to serve master, and be grateful to the hand that feeds it!"

"Big words from a tiny girl. Watch and learn."

Kirche stepped into the rune inscribed circle and composed herself. She then waved her wand around and began an eye- catching dance that caused her bountiful assets to jiggle. The boys stared and drooled while the females fumed with envy.

"I want the hottest familiar! Feel my passion and become one with me. Burn baby burn! Now come here!"

A large lizard with a flaming tail came out of a portal in the air. It croaked its confusion as it looked at the non-lizards.

"_This aint fire mountain! How did I get here?! Who are these people?! Mama I'm scared_!"

Nobody could understand the lizard's frantic cries since they did not speak salamander. The lizard relieved it's bladder and bowels in fright of the crowd. They reacted accordingly.

"Gross!"

"Pick that shit up! I don't want to step in that during my morning stroll!"

"Idiot! That's a job for the commoner staff!"

Kirche frowned at her likely sexually frustrated classmates who took out their problems on others as a way of release. And at her familiar's cowardice. Damn teenage hormones. They really need to get laid. She bent over...to kiss her familiar...on the snout. It was a show in itself, considering that Kirche wore modified academy clothing. Against regulation, but when confronted about it, she played the foreign exchange student card. She would chalk her excuses up to Germanian customs and weather, all while providing a seemingly innocent, but sensual display of the clothing. She would then promptly excuse herself while enough of their blood remains away from their brain. Male academy professors come away admitting that her logic is impeccable.

Magical runes were then inscribed on the salamander's body, establishing a mental link between master and familiar, and causing the familiar's memories, and thoughts to be addled and controlled in order to create an obedient servant that would cater to the master's whims. Mental rape in other words. Given a bit of time for the runes to take effect, her familiar would be willing enough to fight a den of full grown fire dragons for her.

"I'll name you Flame."

How creative.

* * *

Colbert yelled out "Next up! He looked down at the attendance parchment. Funny. Most students had a 1st and last name on the sheet. He shrugged. Not his business. Colbert shouted. "Tabitha!"

A blue haired girl about as short as Louise (and even more flat-chested loli-ish. Louise took a bit of solace in that.) with her nose buried in a book made her way to the circle.

The crowd liked to jeer. It is what random young teen, noble, stock characters do to enhance the plot. It gives an image of how big of jerkasses they could be and how it contributed to insecurities of a major character in the story. However, they did not jeer at Tabitha. The students gave up a while ago. It was simply no fun. She would not respond. Soft spoken, mysterious, and calm were a few words that were used to describe her. Tabitha could send a sharp glare that made the nobles clutch their arms close to their chest as if she casted ice dagger through their vital organs. That is, if she could be bothered enough to make her look up from her reading material, which took more effort than what was considered worth putting into standard verbal bullying.

Tabitha entered the summoning area and whispered.

"Appear."

A huge claw came out of the portal, followed by a dragon about the tallness of 2 grizzly bears on unicycles on top of each other, 4 smilodons (not those huge creatures from Radiata. I mean the saber-toothed kind) in length from head to tail, and half a liopleurodon wide in the torso area.

After being kissed, the dragon looked at its kidnapper/master and let out a high pitched "KYUIII!"

It then sniffed and nuzzled the blue haired girl. Tabitha decided that now was a good time to name it.

"Name. Sylphid."

* * *

Louise gasped and cried a bit on the inside. It was an Founder dammed wind dragon! How was she supposed to top that? Most students had mundane creatures such as cats, dogs, turtles, frogs, and owls. She'd settle for those, but part of her wanted something great. To rub in peoples faces that she was not a failure in magic.

Louise attempted to hide by moving to the back of the crowd. Maybe her name would be overlooked and she would be allowed to attempt summoning at a later date without other students around. This was not the case. Her name was called since Kirche told the professor that he had forgotten Louise.

She _ginger_ly stepped up to the circle. Almost like a golem; agonizingly slow, lifeless, _soulless_.

Immediately, crowd of nobles voiced their disapproval of Louise.

"Tits or Get The Fuck Out!"

"Dude! She has none!"

"Noooooo! I'm too young and good looking to die in Zero's explosions!"

"Professor why must you forsake us to this tragic fate?"

Louise's temples throbbed. Veins were clearly visible and pulsing on her head, which was as red as the blood beneath her skin. Her thoughts turned violent, but she unfortunately could not act them out. Such savage violence between nobles for petty disputes was unethical and barbaric. She would be locked up in jail!

"SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SUMMON HERE!"

_'Oooohh! I just want to explode them into bits where they stand! That does it! I will show every single one of them what happens to people who mock a Valliere! I do not care so much about beautiful or sacred anymore. If my familiar has honed the capacity to maul jerks and look intimidating, then I will be happy! They won't laugh as my familiar appears, ready to pounce on them. Yeah, that will shut them up!'_

Is there irony in those thoughts? Louise is quite a jerk herself. So if she gets mauled by her intimidating familiar...

Louise stepped into the circle and let her emotions pour into her spell. This was a critical time for her. Succeed, and she would remain a dignified noble, who managed to succeed at least in the summon servant spell. Fail, and she would probably be disowned by her family to "save face". A disgraceful expulsion from the academy would shatter her hopes of learning magic. She would become a girl who holds little to no value as a prospective wife to another noble family. Therefore she would probably eke out a living as a commoner. Maybe she could work on her family's estate, but she would not count on it._  
_

"My slave who lives somewhere in the universe! Oh almighty, divine and unequaled familiar spirit! I desire your strength! Answer my summons and carry out my ends!"

A rip appeared in the fabric of space before her. A glowing green portal shimmered with a pale, otherworldly beauty. Now, she would wait for her slave to heed her summons. If nothing appears before she runs out of willpower, her life would become much more complicated. Or is it the other way around?

* * *

**Author's Notes**:

I felt like making this story since the phrase "God of Whore" popped into my head one day. It was going involve Kirche as one of the main characters, but I shot that down. Had a hunch that the pinkette would be more fun to torment.

Had odd ideas for summons during brainstorming. When I get around to making my profile, I'll post them. Maybe someone will write a story using one of them?

I've heard creepy and/or wise people say: "be careful what you wish for. It just might come true."

Let's just say that Louise will be digging graves. Or at least whistling and feigning innocence while avoiding eye contact with the gravediggers.

Filler, info dumps, and cliffhanger. I know there are missing components that make my writing seem to lack a soul. Like gingers... Just kidding. I love me some gingers. Some awesome people I know are gingers. Anyway, I'll work on identifying them. Feedback would be appreciated. I'm a writing nooblord.


	2. Fun With Time Travel

Welcome to Chapter 2 of _Chains of Fate_. I am glad to have received a few reviews so far. Thank you for taking the time to comment. In response to Killuminator, I'll think about lengthening chapters. This may add time to the updates, which I'm fine with. But since this chapter was already written, you'll have to wait for future chapters to be considerably longer. GOW is an EPIC series. When I think EPIC, I think back to Greek poets and their long stories about hardcore adventurers. That being said, an editing of the genres is in order to avoid confusion and insulting great legacies. Thanks for the suggestion.

Now I ramble about what I plan my fiction to be here, as well as why I intend certain parts to be what they are, and what I plan to improve. Maybe you'll point out problems I missed. If you do not care for it, skip downward to the dividing line. The chapter's story starts there.

This was edited. I typed too much useless crap, so now it is a shorter section of useless crap thanks to a reviewer who pointed it out.

I never finished the TFOZ anime. I quit watching after the escape from the Valliere mansion in a carriage. The characters were dummies, there were repetitive perverted jokes due to Saito checking out phat (pretty hot and tempting) chicks, and the uncalled for/ abusive violence were too much for my tastes.

As such, I must rely on other sources for information. Other fanfiction work nicely for plot events. Pointers can be godsends.

OOCness; I shall attempt to build reasonable premises around character motives.

An enthralling tale can appeal beyond a typical viewer base of (insert interest here) fanatics. A well written warning in summary can save people from reading something they would not want to read. A viable solution. I am bad at that.

Deux ex machina is a whole different category. I hope to learn when to, and when not to use particular tropes. Kratos will be strong. He's a demigod.

And in response to reviewer necrofantasia, I believe that contrary to what some people may believe, Kratos has layers of character complexity. Who am I kidding? Kratos is pretty simple to understand. I just write him OOC because I want to. Maybe the story does not sit well with some people. If it doesn't, oh well; Back to the drawing board. I don't please most people, otherwise I'd be a Kirche. Easy whoresluttery is not good. Would you rather I be a Louise? That seems extreme as well. A nice balance between selfishness, and consideration of others is what I am aiming for. I'll study the poll system another day.

Lastly, the summoning takes place after most of GOW 2, but before GOW 3. A summoned, vengeful demigod who has not finished slaughtering his enemies would be scarier than a man suddenly at peace at the end of his quest yes?

Enough of my ranting. **ON WITH THE SLAUGHTER!**

* * *

**In the Temple of Fate - Loom Chamber.  
**

Zeus, king of the gods, fled in his flying chariot to the safety of Mount Olympus. He wanted to recuperate from his life and death battle with his son Kratos, and rally the Olympians for the upcoming siege. He must enforce the order in place, before it completely gave way to chaos. Gods ruled over all, the universe was their domain.

The puny mortals paid tribute to higher beings in order to appease them for blessings, and to avoid wrath. If a god was unsatisfied (boredom is a killer!), they exited Olympus, and did as they pleased. The old God of War Ares had a reputation for being a warmongering brute before he was painfully butchered by Kratos, who became the new God of War. Hermes liked dine and dash, knocking on people's doors, then running off before being seen, and then repeating as the victim became frustrated. Zeus liked sex. Sometimes he raped others. Shape-shifted sex was kinky to him. He has so many bastard children, he could make a formidable demigod army out of them, had he actually cared to do so. Plus, he almost never hung around to take care of the children. Nope, his philosophy was "hit it then quit it." Sucks that out of all his sperm, one grew up to be a merciless killer, intent on brutalizing him.

What a bad day! Being stabbed, slashed, shocked, and riddled with Kratos's arrows really hurt, but he was not the king of the Gods for nothing! His godly regeneration would patch up the wounds before you can say 10 times: Gaia is Gaya. It was fun to tease her about the name... before he locked her and most other titans down in the hellish pits of Tartarus for rebelling against his "rightful rule." After all, with the amount of power the gods had it was proper to take what they wanted from mortals, as long as it did not involve violating the property of other gods.

Then again, he did like bedding pretty boys. He has had so many affairs without the knowledge of his wife Hera. '_She is an envious, wrathful, killjoy. If I had known that my sister would be such an uptight bitch, it would have been a one-night stand rather than marriage_.' Zeus thought. Sometimes he just liked rolling over strapping young lads doused in oil! Wasn't it a natural male impulse?!

What would not heal was his pride. Zeus stood slumped and groaned in pain. Being bested by a half human was humiliating. As long as Kratos lives, Zeus shall, endure sleepless nights, and feel fear.

* * *

Kratos succeeded in defeating the Sisters of Fate, goddesses who spun, wove, and cut the thread of the lives of mortals. 2 were brutally slain, and one was sealed in a mirror. He now had control of the loom chamber. Meaning that he had more control than ever over his own destiny.

In the aftermath of the epic battles, the stone temple of the fates began its collapse. Giant boulders descended from the ceiling.

Gaia thought it proper to remind Kratos of his objective before all the mirrors were shattered by falling stone.

**"Remember, Kratos. You have the power to control time itself."**

Wonderful. Kratos felt giddy like a Spartan child in a weapons shop.

Kratos adjusted the the loom of fate with the pull of levers. The image in the mirror of destiny changed to show the Great War between the Titans and the Gods of Olympus.

Then he thought better of it. He adjusted the loom again and stepped through the mirror.

* * *

The sea captain was having a horrible time inside the Hydra. It was too slippery to climb out. And he thought that he would die if he traversed through the lower exit. Undead monsters shambled around inside it, so he hid in one spot, cowering in fear. The hydra had died, so he was not being digested. His death would be agonizingly slow. His inherited fortune was nearly gone after purchasing the ship of his dreams. Now his filled money pouch that he is carrying on him did not matter anymore. Damn that spartan for kicking him down the throat of the beast! So he was not worth sparing a few seconds to be pulled up and out of certain death? The spartan took the key to his quarters! Probably to view navigation charts and steal his ship!

Suddenly a flash of blue light caused him to turn around. He saw Kratos, and was angry. It did not matter if he was an old, frail man shouting at a muscular, armed, 6 foot tall warrior. They were both doomed in the belly of the beast.

"Hahahaah! AHAAHHAHAH! So you fell in too. What an idiot! Serves you right! Now we can both die! At least I had the pleasure of longer life!"

The undead legionaries of Ares turned their attention to the commotion and shambled their way over.

Kratos put on a confused expression.

"What are you talking about old man? I came to collect my drachma. From the night you gambled with me."

"A joker to the end. Take the owed money! In fact, take all of it! I have no use for it!" The captain tossed the bag of

gold and silver coins at Kratos."

The dead soldiers snarled and raised their hook-like weapons.

"Much obliged."

Kratos invoked the mirror and returned to the loom chamber by teleportation. The captain gulped, awaiting his violent end. "NOOOOO! ARCCKJG!"

* * *

Kratos appeared in the loom room with a triumphant look on his face.

"I'M RICH! BITCH!"

Gaia sighed. "Kratos. The loom is not a toy. The isle of fates exists outside of the ravaging influence of time. Traveling into the past won't stop what is happening in this domain. While you were out collecting useless money...THIS FUCKING CHAMBER HAS BEEN COLLAPSING! HOW WILL YOU GET BACK IF ALL THE MIRRORS ARE SHATTERED? HOW WILL WE TITANS SECURE OUR FREEDOM? YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FIT THROUGH THIS MIRROR AND TELEPORT THE TITANS BACK TO FINISH THE WAR. HURRY UP AND HELP US!"

"ALRIGHT! Jeez! Calm your tits woman! I'll go when I'm good and ready!"

His plan was to go back in time and get the titans to follow him into the present. Zeus was weak from the fight, and the Fates crushed. The present was an opportune era to throw off the oppressive rule of the gods and claim his bloody vengeance.

But...that could wait. He still wanted to hug his wife and daughter and then kick Ares in the nuts repeatedly while yelling "THIS IS SPARTA!"

To say that Kratos's great grandmother Gaia was pissed would be an understatement. She was so mad, her body was covered in forest fires. Smokey threw his hat down in frustration. "Mayne! Dis bitch always be makin mo work fo meh! I quit!"

Gaia decided to adjust the lever herself, and lift up the floor Kratos stood on to tilt him into the mirror. Now Kratos could have resisted this by throwing his blades of Athena into his surroundings to stop his movement, but he relented. Duty calls.

What Gaia did not count on was a small green portal appearing at the last second in front of the mirror. It swallowed Kratos whole.

"Oh fuck. Did I just doom us all?" Gaia's mind raced. She quickly pulled a small sapling off herself, and tossed it into the portal before it closed.

"Kratos. Come back. Keep to your promise, and avenge all that was taken from you. From us..."


	3. Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Welcome to the third chapter. It's not written in an exciting way. I can still feel my writing's lifelessness. This third person narrative is very forced. It's mostly introspection, repetition, and info dump. Those can be valuable, but I did not make a tolerable balance. Next chapter, I hope to adjust. With the info dumps on the mains being done early on, perhaps this can lead to an easier time of me chaining action and entertaining writing together in other chapters? Maybe, maybe not.

Also reviewer phelen - Sounds like a fair trade, but I decline. You'll just have to wait and see. If I reveal details, it may lead to spoilers, if it was not the spoiler itself. What if a plot event is intended to be a red herring? Yeah, you'd probably be sad about this, but there is mystery in magic and magic in mystery.

* * *

Kratos wondered where he was being taken. He noticed the portal upon entering its event horizon. Had it appeared but a split second later, its forceful pull could have been avoided.

The fate altering capacities of the mirrors of destiny were tested when he fooled around. The magic of the mirrors never created a green ellipsoid portal. Assuming the mirror never malfunctioned, being an enchanted artifact in use since the beginning of recorded history, he heavily considered the possibility of outside forces at work.

The green portal reminded him of the portal Ares created, it only was a different color. But, now was not the time to reminisce. It was uncertain if danger stood on the other end. Kratos slightly tensed his well conditioned body and mentally prepared to respond quickly.

The portal's pathway ended, dropping him over a lush world. He could see grassy plains in the distance from his vantage point, quite nice for farmland. He mentally noted the green forests, the quaint towns, and a lake in the distance. It was a breathtaking view of the land's geography. "We're not in Greece anymore Toto." The Cerberus seed (a mini version of the deadly Cerberus) somehow followed him into the portal. It snarled and barked at him seeming to say "my masters hate you, so I do too!" That quickly ceased on noting that they were hundreds of feet up in the air.

The demonic dog yelped as it plunged downward toward certain death.

Kratos acknowledged that a tree was falling near where the dog was.

_'Gaia must have left me a parting gift.'_

Kratos unfurled his Icarus Wings, taken from the crazed son of a dead inventor. It's brilliant design slowed his descent to safer speeds. He began a spiraling glide toward the towers of the castle beneath him.

* * *

**Meanwhile in the castle courtyard...**

Louise was surprised that nothing came out of the portal she made right in front of her. Where was her summoned being?

Feeling too tired to continue, she ended the channeling flow of her willpower. This led to an explosion.

**BOOM!**

The students coughed and swore as a smokescreen covered the yard.

"Geez Louise! Are you trying to kill us all?"

"Always the Zero!"

Amidst the complaints of the upset students, Louise heard a thump.

As the smoke thinned, Louise made out a canine form lying on the ground. The head and legs splayed in unnatural angles. Courtyard grass turned red from blood.

Louise froze on the spot, momentarily forgetting to breathe.

Professor Colbert had a disappointed look on his face. This was quite sad.

On the ground, there lay a dead puppy. What nobody knew was that it was a Cerberus puppy. Hell hounds are quite vicious and deadly.

Now most nobles did not really care about the well being of commoners. To them, commoners were lower creatures... Dogs were on a higher level. Dogs were man's best friend! Almost every noble family with a title of worth had dogs! Even commoners had dogs, but nobles did not hate them for that. Dogs were loved companions regardless of social class. They were often taken on trips for game hunting, showing off, security, and exercise. Dogs almost always brightened days.

Even though the murder was accidental, witnesses wanted to beat Louise for her inability to cast magic.

The rest pitied her.

Students shouted insults.

"Uninstall your wand noob! You suck! NEVER TRY TO CAST AGAIN!"

"That's harsh bro."

"Not enough! Look! She killed a puppy for Brimir's sake!"

Colbert stayed silent. He was a puppy lover himself. He remembered using puppy therapy to relax after his war crimes.

Louise's tears flowed freely. Her thoughts gave way to fear. _'How am I supposed to tell Cattleya this? Mother? _

_Will I be disowned and live a peasants life?'_

A troll yelled out "Cry some more baddie!"

A third of the group now sympathized with the crying girl. The verbally abusive instigator received angry glares.

Colbert judged Louise to be a bright and passionate student. He also saw her as an insecure girl who only partially deserved the verbal abuse from her peers. If she did not respond to them the way she did, it would be more boring to insult her, and the abuse would be less frequent, if not stop altogether.

Colbert was wrong. His belief is a common misconception among teachers. Rather than putting effort into solving a bullying problem, they'd rather not deal with it or just do not know how. Louise acting dignified and ignoring insults caused her tormentors to lash out even more, being insecure themselves. Many viewed her ignoring their insults as condescension; very hypocritical of them. Louise was undignified and retaliatory about half the time she is insulted, since her temper was fiery. This time, she was a sobbing wreck. A surreal sight for all the students. Usually, Louise would cry in her room, away from the eyes of her peers.

Colbert could not allow this farce to continue. It was one thing to take a creature away from its home and then enslave the lower animal.

The summoning spell becomes inert for the summoner as long as binding runes remain active on the familiar. The familiar contract runes last until the day either the summoner, or the summoned creature dies. In history there were past mages that would kill their summoned familiars until they got one they wanted. Those mages were then killed in retaliation by the public due to disgust.

But killing the animal was different. By tradition, a summoner may take what came out of the portal as a familiar. It would have a chance at a happy life. Louise denied the animal that.

Life was precious. For the possible danger of Louise's summoning killing more familiars, and the potential for an angry mob, he would disallow another summoning. The academy had a reputation to keep, and him his job. Even a family as wealthy and influential as the Vallieres could not overrule the other families of the academy on the whole. He would speak with headmaster Osmond about Louise's expulsion from the academy, as much as it pained him to do so.

* * *

In a nearby flowerbed, Siesta the maid was tending to the plants. Gardening was a hobby of hers. Working at the academy was tiring due to the stuck up nobles, but it paid well enough considering that she received food and lodgings. It was nice that the headmaster allowed her to take up groundskeeping as part of her job hours. She was so happy, she did not stomp on his mouse familiar that was peeking under the long hem of her uniform's skirt. (A mage sees and hears what the familiar does, due to the mental link the familiar contract forms. Basically, she gave the old lecher a free peek at her panties)

She could not blame Osmond either. He probably did not get much action in his old age. Siesta was young (about 20), curvy, and had an exotic appearance. (nobody around Tristain had jet black hair like she did. Except her family. Others had shades of blonde and brown mostly) This drew many nobles and commoners alike to hit on her, in hopes they would get some. But alas, she did not find love nor engage in debauchery. She had a large family to send part of her earnings to, and responsibility of child raising scares off many men.

_'Maybe women would be better lovers?'_

She could not afford to get pregnant by a stupid noble, who would dismiss her claims that he was the father of her baby. Commoner friends in her village and in the academy's staff have admitted their feelings to her, but she did not fall in love yet. This left her feeling pent up. So she bought dirty romance novels with her meager savings.

Here she was, content with her job/hobby, when suddenly a wild tree appeared!

Its shadow caused her to look up. She made a rolling dodge just in time as the tree landed where she crouched moments ago. The tree squished her beloved flowers and created a shockwave that knocked Siesta on her rump. If she did not have ninja maid reflexes or tripped on her long skirt, she would be pushing up daisies!

Her usual calm and patient attitude toward nobles came from a healthy fear instilled in her during childhood.

In a conventional fight, nobles beat commoners easily with magic. The weakest nobles were threats with their magic in a 1 on 1 fight. Weak nobles may with good connections with more powerful nobles are also dangerous. They backed each other up to keep commoners in check. Not many nobles associate with commoners on a personal level, seeing this action as beneath them. Nobles are and were the ruling class as far back as historical texts state, but Siesta knew that written history could be another tool to dissuade social change. Siesta learned much from family members and gossip. Her grandfather told her all about propaganda and its workings.

Even so, she was quite angry at what may have been a lethal prank by punk nobles. She did something out of character. Siesta pulled out her trusty anti-grope frying pan and snapped.

"WHO THE FUCK LAUNCHED A TREE AT ME? WHO QUASHED MY PETUNIAS? ANSWER ME SO I CAN SMASH YOUR FACE!"

Nobody stepped up...

Siesta then noticed a muscular man with scant clothing and grey feathery wings land the nearby tower. The man fixed her with a hawk-like stare. She looked at his chiseled body and unconsciously licked her lips. He couldn't be much older could he? He looks to be in his mid thirties. She could work with that. Siesta was already imagining kinky scenarios.

Suddenly her eyes widened as she put two and two together. Feathered wings, scary man with perpetual scowl on his face, unnatural paleness of skin, staring at her and the tree. He was an angel sent down from the heavens to punish her for her sins! She prayed to Brimir before throwing herself on the ground. She meekly squeaked out repentance.

"I'm so sorry! Please have mercy! I'll be pure! I'll burn my porn stash and dirty novels! Spare me!"

* * *

Kratos looked at the sobbing and prostrating woman. He could not understand her language, but she obviously could respect his awesomeness.

He whistled. Her rolling technique that put her out of harm's way was impressive. That fiery temper she had as she took out cookware for battle was inspiring as well.

If he had to kill almost everyone in this place to get his points across, he may let this maid live for her homage to him. As long as she stayed out of his way. He would look for whoever was in charge of this fort, but first he would study the tree that Gaia seemed to have sent after him.

He leapt off the tower and landed near Siesta. She let out a shocked "EEP!"

Kratos pretended not to notice and walked up to the sapling. When compared to the full size of Gaia's trees, this sapling was insignificant in size, but to most trees, it was huge. It was the size of a commoner's house!

Kratos noticed it was on the flowerbed and thoughtfully pulled it aside for his admirer with one hand. The maid gasped at this feat of strength and squeezed her legs together. She sadly looked at her ruined flowers.

Kratos heard a voice in his mind.

_"HEY! BE GENTLE! WATCH THE BARK!"_

"Gaia? Are you this sapling? Is that telepathy?"

_'Who else? Yes and yes. Just think your thoughts. Before the doorway closed, I threw part of myself after you. This tree contains my spirit. All memories gained in this place will become my own as the tree is replanted within my full body. I shall act as your guide; Another set of eyes and ears in this strange land.'_

_'But you have neither eyes nor ears great grandma.'_

_ 'It's a figure of speech! I may not be able to assist you much, as my powers are greatly diminshed without my full self, but I can set up a small network should you plant me.'_

Siesta was wowed. She saw this angel move the tree easily and she was pretty sure he talked to the tree. He stopped now, but he nodded every once in awhile while looking at it. She wished she could listen in. Probably a good idea to not gossip on this. Best to not make an angel angry.

"The tree is so long, hard, and thick! How did you move it so quickly?" _'Hnng! Impure! Bad Siesta! Naughty Siesta! I need to be punished!'  
_

Kratos said "I do not know your language."

They realized that they were at an impasse.

Siesta pondered until she came up with a solution. "Follow me!" She made hand gestures that Kratos knew all too well. Many women wanted to ravish him in a bedchamber/bathhouse/broom closet/public area, but it was usually him that did the ravishing. (he does not use the last location. There could be children watching for Hades sake! But then again, they've got to learn sometime.)

_'Kratos! Get your mind out of the gutter! Now's not the time!'_

_Kratos forgot to put up the mental barrier Athena taught him upon becoming a god. He would now adjust when to let his thoughts through. Athena called it a firewall. It could let things get in, but not go out, or vice versa. It can block everything or allow everything in depending on the settings. That made him think of more women._

*sigh* _'Yes Kratos. She does have the hots for you. But deal with that later.'_

_'How do you know Gaia?'  
_

_'My leaves detect moisture evaporating from...never mind! Just find a way back to Greece! And come back to plant me soon!'_

Kratos grumbled something about Gaia being a sap and decided to go along to see what Siesta had in mind.

* * *

Siesta ran over to Professor Colbert, who was comforting a Louise crying a river on the yard's grass. The lawn would not need water for a month. Class had already been dismissed, so all the students went off to get to know their familiars.

"Can't it wait Miss Siesta?"

"I suppose it can. I'll show Mr. Angel around and we can talk later."

"Angel?"

"Yes! I uhh... haven't asked his name." She grinned sheepishly. "I call him that since he came down from the heavens. He also moved a very big tree!"

"Uhhhh... huh." Siesta should have mentioned an approximate quantified size of the tree. And the fact that is was moved with naught but his bare hands.

Colbert felt the urge to facepalm. He was a man of science. He could respect religion, but he believed in what he could see, rather than putting faith in higher beings creating miracles and such. He loved to solve mysteries using logic.

Colbert sized up Kratos and vice versa. Comforting Louise could wait. Kratos looked outlandish and dangerous. He wore two very large knives (or small swords) on his back. They were attached to chains on his forearms. The wings on Kratos did not show, since he furled them up. They now resembled an ornate, feathery cloak/knapsack. Daedalus knew his shit. The wings had pockets for storage, and even a snack dispenser!

Kratos had more muscle than an Olympian bodybuilder, plus he had roid rage without the roids (I'm not saying that all bodybuilders take roids). This made Colbert feel insecure, but he did not show it. Colbert glanced over the scars on Kratos's body. He guessed that Kratos had experience with fights. The red tattoos were a puzzler. Colbert did not understand the marking on Krato's back as well as over his left eye. The two had an unspoken staring contest. Louise even stopped crying in the tense atmosphere and watched entranced at the battle of the balds, until Siesta gave a light cough.

Colbert flinched. "Right. Translation spell coming up." Colbert waved his wooden staff.

Kratos felt a strange tingling sensation wash over him. He attributed it to the wave of the staff.

"What did you do to me?"

"I cast a translation spell. We can now understand each other since you speak my native tongue. My name is Professor Jean Colbert. I am a teacher at this academy. May I ask yours?"

The lack of flashiness in the spell surprised Kratos. He was relieved that the spell wasn't maleficent, but he sadly noted that he never knew what hit him. He needed to be on guard for these new magics. Call it paranoia, but he liked taking preventive measures.

"I am Kratos." He hoped that his name without titles would be enough. Kratos was arrogant and strong, but not stupid. It would be a hassle if this land's natives instantly feared or shunned him. His deeds were legendary and many of them infamous. Finding his way back would be easier if he did not need to torture people. He was not adverse to using violence. Kratos was proficient at it. He killed brutally to instill fear in all his enemies. There was some satisfaction to be gained from a brutal slaughter and drinking in the fear of others.

He wanted to make sure whether it would benefit him more to kill people here, or to not kill them before committing to murder and mutilation. Violence expedited most of his objectives and brought him great power, but it made him many enemies.

"Well Mr. Kratos. What brings you to our magic academy on this day?"

He realized that he was extremely far from home since not one person recognized his name or appearance so far.

"I seek a map. I am lost."

"I believe that can be arranged. The academy is sizable. I would not want you to get lost a second time. Miss Siesta, would you mind showing this gentleman to the library?"

"Certainly milord." Siesta curtseyed. "Come this way Mr. Kratos."_ 'I just told him to come! KYAA!'_

Kratos stood in place for 30 seconds just looking at Siesta. She had a blissful expression on her flushed face. And she was drooling with her mouth wide open. Her imagination is very vivid.

_'What the? I don't even...'_ Kratos was waiting for her to show him the way. He knocked on Siesta's skull...with his knuckles. She came back to reality.

"Sorry Mr. Kratos. The heat must be getting to me. These maid uniforms are stifling!"

Colbert was absentminded, but his thoughts caught up just in time.

"Kratos. Please forgive me if I sound rude, but I am curious to know some things about you."

****! Such bad timing. Siesta was just about to ask Kratos to help her out of her uniform after work!

Kratos cocked an eyebrow.

Colbert boldly continued, "I have some fears. I believe they are legitimate concerns. I care deeply for the safety of my students (to keep my job, but I won't say that). While the Magical Academy of Tristain is the most prominent of all magical academies throughout Halkegenia, and contains much knowledge, it would be no more difficult to obtain world or local maps in the surrounding towns.

This academy is hours away from civilization by horseback. The only paved way to this academy is by a fork in the main highway. The other way leads toward Gallian border and the last fork to the capital city of Tristain. The surrounding land is chock full of hills. The main roads cross hills tall enough to give a view of the surrounding countryside, allowing you to see and decide on going to the larger city of Tristain, or other towns rather than this small academy. This place is off the beaten path in other words. You do not speak Tristainian, but instead a language that resembles an archaic form of Romalian. Even if you cannot read Tristainian, I would think that in order to avoid coming to this place, you would have to outright ignore the large Gallian, Albion, and Romalian script that are on the roadsigns under the Tristinaian script. Are you illiterate or absent minded?

In addition, forests around the academy are dangerous and infested by bandits and beasts. There are guards posted around the gate to the academy for the safety of our students. A lone man traversing the wilderness is perilous.

I can think of no other way to say this...you are half naked. Maybe it is acceptable where you come from to dress like that, but nobody here, or in surrounding countries wear that little in early Springtime. Only in Elven land due to the heat at all times of the year, and it is rumored that even they cover up from the sun when going outdoors. But hey, maybe you like to exercise, and going shirtless and wearing a loincloth keep you cool.

I can think of many ways to enter, but how did you get inside the academy? How did you become lost? Were you kidnapped by crimps and then dropped off nearby? Are you an escaped criminal? You are wearing chains. Though they are attached to somewhat ornate blades. All these things make me suspicious. Tell me the truth Kratos."

* * *

This was why Kratos did not like non-violent methods. Too much talking. People get the impression that having a "civilized" conversation means that they could rant and order him around. Well...gods did that too. But at least they were quicker about it.

Kratos stared at the students affectionately petting dangerous beasts that wore branding marks burnt onto their hides. He saw Louise crying over the dead Cerberus (no sane person would do that). He guessed that the portal he came in was a fluke. The beasts somehow went through a process that made them loyal to their summoners. He deduced that the children pulled creatures through portals, and used mind altering magic to subject wild and free creatures to their will. The beasts somehow went through a process that made them loyal to their summoners. Perhaps the branding had something to do with it. It was in a way the same as when his arms were branded with the Blades of Chaos. A contract.

The only difference being that his service to Lord Ares was voluntary and did not involve a binding ritual using mind altering magics. It was later in his service when Ares used foul magics to get Kratos to kill his own wife and child in a rage of bloodlust. The God's goal was to make Kratos the ultimate warrior.

He succeeded. With no anchor to his humanity left, Kratos became more and more like a beast. His wife used to always complain about his job involving nothing but senseless slaughter. She was his moral ballast. She also kept his overblown ego in check. Lysandra was never afraid of him. She was the only woman he truly loved. His daughter had a sweet innocence that made him proud to be a father. He fought so that she may live in a better world. If he needed to sacrifice his humanity to save them, he gladly would have. But he was the one that killed them. An oracle bound their ashes to his skin, making him pale as a ghost. That's why he was called "Ghost of Sparta." Kratos slew Ares for revenge, but he did not know if he would ever forgive himself, if his wife and daughter would forgive him...

Kratos would never again trust anyone with a life contract. Its price is too steep. Kratos would be his own master, and nobody will stop his vengeance upon Zeus for the destruction of his people and betrayal of Kratos. He lost everything dear to him. His wife, his daughter, and now his Spartan brethren.

Kratos had no intention of becoming a little girl's pet. If they tried anything shady, he promised himself that he would make them regret it. Violence is as natural as breathing to Kratos.

He knew that he must find his way back. He MUST end what Zeus started. This land was a distraction. He won't lie to the people. He hated deception. It was cowardly and beneath him. But he WON'T tolerate them taking advantage of him.

"I came out of a portal. A portal in the sky."

* * *

Author Notes: This chapter is much longer. I hope I did not make Kratos too much of a wuss.

Siesta is a perv from what I saw in the anime. Lol she lusted after Saito. Really low standards. Still a notch above Kirche I suppose. Kratos getting harem? Probably. Will he be interested in lolis for romance or physical intimacy? ...*facepalm* Isn't it obvious?

The name Toto is Italian. I do not know how old the name's orgin is.

I used it as a reference to the dog in **The Wizard of Oz. **


	4. You Won't Like Him When He's Angry

"I came out of a portal. A portal in the sky."

Louise and Colbert were dumbfounded by this statement.

_'The puppy must have fallen out of the sky with him. But how did this man survive? Drat! I can't believe I'm getting a plebian for a familiar! But...it's better than nothing...better than zero. I can remain a noble!'_

Although Kratos enunciated clearly, Professor Colbert wanted confirmation.

"Come again?"

"You heard me. I was abducted by your summoning magic."

* * *

Oh dear. Abducted is such a confrontational word. This muscle bound man does not seem happy.

There have been recorded historical incidents involving the summoning of multiple familiars. In those cases, the mage took more than one familiar. His students never pulled out a human familiar though. Colbert would research this later.

This was the time to bargain. Colbert hoped this meeting could be ended without hostilities...and with Kratos bound as Louise's familiar.

Deep down, Colbert did not want to die, even though he did get emo at times for the deaths he caused in his soldiering days. It was thoughts of Karin ending him that made Jean want the contract ritual to proceed smoothly.

Colbert used to serve alongside Louise's mother in Tristain's military. Up to this day, Dutchess Karin "The Heavy Wind" de la Valliere remains one of the strongest, and most well connected mages in Tristain. He had no doubt that if Louise failed her summoning ritual and was expelled, her mother would hold a grudge against him, the man who taught Louise a good deal of her courses, and supervised the summoning ritual. She could make his life a living hell.

* * *

"I know sorry will not cut it. I'd still like to apologize for the problems this summoning caused you. Students never know what will come through the portal, though there are common familiars that vary depending on the student's elemental affinity and magical ability. We never would have guessed that you would come through the portal of all the creatures that could have appeared."

"Don't just make excuses Professor."

"I won't Mr. Kratos. Allow us to make amends. On behalf of the academy, I shall arrange food, room and board, and even transport for you. Please feel welcome here until we all work out the logistics."

That seemed quite nice of Colbert. Seemed being the keyword. Kratos knew better than to let his guard down around complete strangers, even if they were making him a reasonable offer to take responsibility for the trouble they caused him. Kratos was waiting for the catch.

* * *

Louise took in the words of the conversation, but she did not want this opportunity to pass her. Her life was bad enough without potentially losing her only familiar.

"A portal in the sky? Then my puppy came with this other familiar?"

Louise glared at Kratos, feeling upset that she got a commoner for a familiar. Granted he looked strong enough to beat a raven in combat, but she wished that she had summoned something cool! Like a griffon or a manticore!

"Watch your words little girl. I will never agree to become your pet."

"LITTLE GIRL? I'M 15 YEARS OLD! BE GRATEFUL A NOBLE LIKE ME WOULD TAKE A FILTHY cmmhrmrkg!"

Colbert stepped behind Louise and put his hand around her mouth, muffling her shouts. He was bitten though. It hurt like a bitch! He looked at Louise, then at the dog... yeah that explains it.

Colbert spoke loud enough for Kratos and Louise to hear him.

"Miss Louise! You are not helping with the situation at hand! Take responsibility for your actions and apologize to Kratos. You are not morally exempt for the inconvenience you caused him. As a noble, you should know that with great power comes great responsibility!"

In another universe, Uncle Ben sneezed. The snot that shot out of his nose blinded the gunman and caused the bullet to miss, saving Ben's life. Villians took over the world. Boo.

* * *

"But Mr. Colbert!"

"No buts young lady!" Then Colbert quickly whispered to Louise. _"I'm on your side. Just keep quiet while I convince him to go with the ritual. Do as I say."_

Louise swallowed her pride for this. Her face was still twisted with anger. It was red, and a vein could clearly be seen pulsing on her head. Why should she apologize to this stupid commoner that should be glad to be her familiar?

"I..am..ssss... orr...rrry. That you are an idi...err.. went through that portal. It won't happen again."

Nobody was fooled. That apology was insincere.

For the sake of moving shit along... "Apology accepted. Now, about your promise Mr. Colbert?"

"I will fulfill it. Before we head inside for the evening, I wish for Ms. Valliere to complete the familiar contract with you."

Kratos's voice took an edge.

"My will is my own."

Colbert anticipated this. "I know. My intent is not to insult you. I wish for the contract to be completed purely for its symbolism, and its roots in holy tradition. It is a celebration of the history upon the founding of our great nations. It is a blessing of two new lives conjoined. It is done in springtime because spring is the season of new life, and renewal. I know that you and Miss Valliere got off to a rocky start, which is why I'd like her to make amends after completing the ritual. She could do what I originally planned for Siesta to help you with. She will show you around the academy, to the dining hall, and help you find lodging."

An eloquent speech. Too bad for Jean and Louise, Kratos already saw through their lies. Kratos observed the submissive characteristics of other familiars... Being cynical did not always hurt either.

"Do not test my patience sorcerer. I know of your foul plan. You'll regret making me your enemy."

Gee Kratos, subtle much? Kratos was pissed. Sometimes fighting words come out when he is angry.

* * *

Peaceful persuasion did not work. New plans hatched in Jean's slightly boozed, sleep deprived brain.

1. Call off the familiar binding plan. Let the man go.

2. Let Siesta show Kratos around rather than Louise. At night, use headmaster Osmond's magical artifact, "the bell of sleep". Kratos will not wake up as Louise completes the ritual. Probably the safest way.

or

3. Levitate the cocky bastard and tell Louise to complete the ritual as he dangles in mid-air. The quickest and most dangerous way.

4. Reason with him why defeat would be inevitable for Kratos. He should accept the contract for the sake of life. The nobility quashes rebellious commoners. Unless he wanted to end up tortured in a dungeon for a crime he may or may not have committed. Perhaps "belligerently assaulting nobles with deadly weapons". Once he receives the familiar branding, he probably could not care less how cruel or unstable his master was. He would love her all the same. Colbert would omit that last part of course.

* * *

The plan was... number 3!

"Louise. Complete the ritual."

Kratos was lifted into the air and dangled upside down, revealing what was under the loincloth. The women blushed at the sight. Colbert felt a bit jealous.

Kratos's arms were pinned to his sides, courtesy of Professor Colbert's magic. What surprised Colbert was that he needed to substitute his cantrip with line class wind magic in order to budge Kratos. Was Kratos even resisting? The implications of this left a sinking feeling in his stomach. Was telling Louise to complete the ritual a big mistake? No turning back now. He felt that Kratos would try to kill them all if he was set down. Maybe he would anyway whether it happened or not.

Louise stepped, then crouched down to the face of Kratos. She was mad for all that he did. She even apologized to a familiar! Absurd!

"Not so uppity now, are you peasant? For making me go through all that trouble to bind you, you shall have no food for a week!"

Colbert marveled at Louise's harshness. _'That girl has a death wish. The familiar contract forms an immediate bond of servitude, growing stronger as time passes, but even a bound familiar will go berserk if pushed too far.'_

* * *

A crowd of students had gathered. They made inane remarks about what was taking place.

"Hey look! It seems that Zero is about to bind a transvestite peasant in the summoning circle!"

"What makes you think he's transvestite? He looks masculine to me."

"He's wearing a skirt, makeup, and golden jewelry on his arm! Women of the far east like to use that powder to look pale and unblemished! Nobody's skin is like that! Even albinos!"

"That's a loincloth. As for his skin, I do not know. High ranking military officers sometimes wear golden jewelry as symbol of their status. He looks ripped. Maybe he is not what you guess that he is."

"Think he was paid to do this?"

"Judging by the fact that he's being hung upside down, I'd say no. Ha! Louise can't even get a transvestite to be her familiar!"

"So you agree!"

"I'm just humoring you. He could be a fashion model. Life would be way better for him if he did not need to serve the zero."

"What about the big, shiny, gold knives on his back?"

"He also receives royalties from an established knife company. Duh."

"You sure about that? He's probably a gigolo. Look how he's dressed! The chains are for kinky customers, and the knives are for cutting people who do not pay."

* * *

Kratos heard enough.

"YOU DARE MOCK THE GOD OF WAR?!" The shout was loud. It was intimidating, for the people who believed what they heard was "God of War."

"You see Malicorne, he even has a hooker name. God of Whore. It sounds exotic and unique, like Like Candy or Cristal."

The students who had decent hearing, and half a brain pissed themselves. At least they were smart enough to know when a strong maniac was enraged. The familiars of the children ran off to hide while making frightened noises.

Montmorency in a refreshing display of wit, demonstrated why her nickname used to be "The Flood."

"SILENCE FAMILIAR! I NEED TO CONCENTRATE!" Louise was given a look of pure hatred from Kratos, if her eyes had been open, she would have regressed to childhood memories of hiding in the boat in the lake near her house. That and her sister Cattleya hugging her in the boat.

"Pentagon of the five.."

Kratos did not wait for Louise to finish. Breaking free, he twisted right side up and swatted Louise aside as though she were a fly. Louise lay on the other side of the yard, knocked out. Kratos charged at Colbert.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR DECEPTION COLBERT!"

Colbert retried the wind binding, but to no avail. He was beginning to think Kratos used a counter spell. That, or he had godly strength. No. That can't be possible! He's but a mere human, a human mage!

The message flashed over and over in Colbert's mind 'CANNOT BE SLOWED!'

There wasn't enough time to bring out the flame snake. He was about to get dunked.

Luckily, one of his students helped him.

Tabitha froze Montmorency's urine that lay on the grass, causing Kratos to lose his footing as he sprinted over it. Tabitha pulled the Professor onto Sylphid. They flew up and away.

Kratos was having none of that cowardice. He pulled out Typhon's Bane and shot several volleys, quick as the wind.

Tabitha's dragon is classified by many to be a wind dragon. This was just a name given for the dragon's amazing flight speed and maneuverability. It was unable to withstand the rapid shots from the bow carved out of a wind titan.

"KWEEEH! EHHIE KYUII! (translated: OWIE OUCHIES!)

They crashed onto the ground. Bones were broken, but everyone was miraculously alive. Kirche sat up. She cast fireballs at the spartan. He grabbed them out of the air using the golden fleece, and threw them right back.

"Ack!" Kirche quickly stripped off her flaming clothing. Tabitha helped put out the fires.

My lacy push-up! It's ruined!

Kirche was topless, and in her undies. The perverts in the yard died from blood lost through their noses. Others got cut up by Kratos, so they lost their blood in awesome, but painful looking deaths.

* * *

Ms. Loungeville looked down at the carnage, and smiled. She wanted to do what Kratos was doing to the noble brats, but she had an image to keep, of being a harmless secretary to the headmaster.

"Headmaster, the sleep bell is ready."

"About time! We must stop this violent rampage before it's too late! I already have 2 days worth of letter writing. I hate writing to families I met, but do not know well. Nobody shows up for parent-teacher nights! Plus I'd rather spend that time with you, and my beloved Mótsognir." The mouse familiar came back to Osmond's palm. It relayed the news of the color and type of panties Ms. Loungeville was wearing.

"But anyway. Time to put that jerk to sleep."

* * *

Montmorency, Tabitha, Kirche, and Colbert hid in a barrel as Kratos rampaged around the courtyard, laughing menacingly and shouting threats to make noble children do less than noble things to their underwear. Those who mocked him were feeling the full force of his revenge.

They saw a small field appear around Kratos. One that they recognized as a sleep spell.

Kratos would rather not sleep. He was a god! Well...technically, he lost his god powers, but he now had titan powers. Close enough.

"I'll take a power nap."

**1/20 of a second later**

"Most refreshing sleep I had in months!"

Kratos walked out the sleep field looking years younger.

* * *

0_0

"We need a plan."

"Gank with all 5 of us. Elixir up."

"Are you insane? This guy is fed! We need 2 whole raid groups!"

"Louise", Tabitha said.

"What? Zero?"

"Explosion. Bad guy go boom."

"Well they are powerful, what if he catches one?"

"..."

"Just hope he doesn't. Got it."

* * *

Louise was splashed with water.

She woke up. Not with the nonsensical "~Munya~" and stretch. That's when she wakes up feeling properly rested.

She woke up with a "graahhh! Cold!"

Kirche smiled at the midget.

"Wakey wakey! Now control your monstrous familiar. I believe you won the bet Louise. So...save us please?"

Louise gagged, then puked at the vileness invading her senses.

Most of the courtyard was covered in fecal matter. It seemed that both familiars and masters alike had problems dealing with stress when it came to Kratos. That and entrails.

A few corpses were cut into bits, there were decapitations, students missing legs or arms; a plethora of boo boos.

"Let's get this over with."

* * *

Normally, Louise would object to striking a man while his back was turned, unless he lacked morals, which somewhat applied to Kratos. She also believed her classmates when they said not to worry about him. He had already beaten 3 teachers. Louise gulped.

Kratos stood triumphant among the carnage. He slaughtered snotty noble children (strange that many had not reached puberty with the age he pinned them at) and it felt good!

"I'M THE BEST! AROUND! NOTHING'S EVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!"

He reveled in his glory. Basking in the blood and guts as if it were good sex. Who can make your sons die? Sprinkled with those he slew? The Kratos man. The Kratos man can.

Louise took aim. She was putting everything she had into it, though it would be a bit weaker considering her headache. This monster needs to be wiped out. It was her fault, so she would fix it.

**BOOOM!**

Once the smoke cleared, she saw Kratos standing there, proud and tall.

_'Heh. Looks like I failed. Once a zero, always a zero.'_

Louise fainted.

**To be continued?**

* * *

AN:

Another chapter done. Lots of references in this one. I'll not mention them just yet. Have fun guessing!

Reviews would be appreciated. What you liked, hated, made you think of another thing, et cetera.


	5. Elderly Shakedown

Welcome to chapter 5.

Made it this far! I am glad to receive reviews. My thanks to everyone who posted feedback! The encouragement and suggestions help me with the story's direction.

Story specifics and personal thoughts will be in the AN at the end of this chapter.

* * *

Louise slumped to the ground in exhaustion and fell asleep.

Kratos was slightly tickled by Louise's explosive sneak attack. Impressive.

He hoped that the trained mage soldiers would put up much more of a fight than these teachers and children.

Though the school's mages were taught offensive magics, most of the children lacked discipline. When he disposed of a few teachers, the underlings dispersed, fearing for their lives.

Kratos scanned the courtyard. He was not going out of his way to kill the stragglers. If they wanted to go get reinforcements, he would gladly teach additional lessons of pain.

He made his way over the Professor Colbert, who was sitting on the ground, with his back propped against a brick wall.

As Kratos walked, a brave noble grabbed at his ankles. Kratos ignored this and dragged her as he stepped toward Colbert. She became too loud for his tastes as she shouted insults, so he stomped on her head, caving in her skull, and causing her brain to leak out.

* * *

"You...you monster."

"Many have called me that."

Colbert grimaced. He saw his past self in Kratos. Self righteousness, a killer of innocents, and a fiery wrath that consumed all in his path. Colbert wanted to believe that this bloodied creature in front of him had a soul, no matter how tainted it had became. That, and they were both bald.

"End me. You killed my students and destroyed my career. I have no desire to witness your foul deeds any longer."

Colbert would die with dignity. He'd like to be remembered as the man who stood up to an insane killer, rather than acceding to the man's wishes, and then dying. He sat up straight. He would give Kratos a hateful glare until he met his end.

Kratos lifted his blades, then lowered them.

"No."

"Why?"

"Unlike you, I am not a deceitful coward. Kill yourself if you wish to die. I will let you live with what you wrought."

"What I wrought? YOU SLAUGHTERED A SLEW OF STUDENTS! AND EVEN A FEW TEACHERS!"

"They got in my way. This probably would not have happened if **YOU **hadn't encouraged the small, kidnapping brat to attempt to make me her slave!"

Colbert opened his mouth, then looked away in shame.

"Fulfill your promise Colbert. If I am satisfied, I might spare the remaining noble wretches who crossed me."

Colbert knew that was the best deal he was going to get. He struggled to his feet and leaned on his staff for support.

"I will be back with the maps. It may be 20 minutes or more considering my injuries and the academy's size. I bet the staff are locked in their quarters due to intruder drills, so I will be on my own to retrieve them."

Kratos nodded. "You know the price of angering me. Do not trick me again."

Colbert hobbled off toward the library.

* * *

In the meantime, Kratos walked over to the sleeping form of Louise.

She looked peaceful, a sharp contrast to her bitchy attitude she uses while awake. Kratos felt the urge to kill her, but suppressed it. When Colbert gets the maps, maybe she could send him back though a portal.

Then he thought better of it. They might send him somewhere dangerous, hoping he would die.

Too bad. He really hated Louise. When Kratos goes into a group fight, his mind sometimes becomes clouded with the multitasking. A flurry of actions, rushing adrenaline, and the joy of killing turn his thoughts to a complex network of puzzle solving, combat oriented survival methods.

Which threats to eliminate first? Is there cover? Time counters and blocks. Is titan magic needed? Not that he minded these survival habits, but he is more likely to overlook the small details by conforming to this limited mindset. He needed to expand to adapt. And to find new ways to kill.

Still, he would still keep to his promise and spare the runt, unless she did something to piss him off...not counting just being infuriating with her sheer presence.

Elsewhere, a badger on shrooms carrying a pipe sneezed.

Louise is probably as good as dead once she wakes up and mouths off at Kratos.

* * *

Kratos made his way over to mini-Gaia.

_[Kratos. The familiars and students made fertilizer when you scared them. How thoughtful of you.]_

_{I am so sexy it is scary. Their defecation is a byproduct of my fashionable splendor.}_

_[Indeed, in Greece you have been vogue at some point, but here you appear avant-garde. Have you come to plant me?]_

_{I'll get on it.}_

Kratos pulled Gaia a bit further from the flowerbeds. Once he reached an open area on the lawn, he used Atlas Quake.  
_  
_

He dug a deep hole by pummeling the ground with his fists and feet. Once it was large enough, he placed the tree in the hole.

[I see dead people.]

{How? You do not have eyes!}

[Shh, I'm trying to think here.]

{If only you had a brain.}

Siesta was watching the whole time. She was scared of Kratos, but her fear was momentarily forgotten on witnessing this superhuman feat.

_'Maybe I can get him to help me garden! He should put his tree in my holes... It goes in soooo deep!'_

_"_Sir Kratos! Do you enjoy gardening?"

"Not particularly."

Siesta was stumped.

"Does this tree mean much to you? You spoke to it before."

{_Mind if I tell her about you? She could be a good caretaker_.}

[So you'd rather not spend time with your great-grandma eh? I see how it is. Fine, tell her! Hmph!]

"She." Kratos corrected. "As unbelievable as it may sound, this is my great grandmother."

"Are you insulting my intelligence? Do you take me for some bumpkin that lacks common sense?"

[Kratos. Improv. Now.]

"Magic caused her to be this way. I am being honest." That was truth, just not very descriptive truth.

Siesta watched his face for any sign of smirks. She looked him in the eyes, and saw no deception.

_'Oh dear. I never knew. I think I understand why he attacked those nobles so brutally. Nobles turned his great granny into a tree. How sad.'_

_[Hello Siesta. I am Kratos's great grandma Gaia.]_

Siesta hopped up on hearing the voice in her mind. "I-It's a p-pleasure t-to meet you ma'am!" Not missing a beat, she curtseyed.

_[Ohoho! Likewise dearie! Please, just call me Gaia. I can transmit my thoughts to you, but I won't read your mind. You can think your thoughts to me so people won't look at you as if you are crazy for talking to a tree]_

Gaia lied. Gaia could read Siesta like a book that had legible font. But it was to put Siesta at ease, and know if she was planning to cut down the tree ahead of time.

_'Ah! I see. Is it tough being a tree?'_

_[Sometimes. I get scared when people come near me with fire, sharp tools like axes, or during storms. Lightning is frightening. Sometimes insects or birds make holes in me. Other than that, it's fine. I feel closer to nature. I've gained new insights and senses as a tree. It is hard to explain.]_

Kratos held a side conversation Siesta could not hear.

_{You also lost a few hundred thousand pounds.}  
_

_[Jerk.]  
_

_{Hahah.}  
_

Kratos turned to Siesta. "Please keep this a secret. I do not want selfish people to harm her, or use her as leverage."

Siesta nodded. "Your secret is safe with me!" _'May I visit you often? I am quite good at gardening. We can chat!'_

_[I'd love that! You are such a dear! I am happy that you hooked up with such a fine woman Kratos!]_

Siesta blushed.

{We are not a pair! I will always love my wife Lysandra!} Gaia heard Kratos's thought, but not Siesta.

Gaia transmitted a private thought to Kratos.

[I know Kratos. I watched humans living on my domain of Earth as I was imprisoned in Tartarus. Lysandra was a great woman. I think Lysandra would want you to forgive yourself and be happy. Keep your memories of her. There is no shame in finding other women to share your life with. And no, I do not mean those one night stand interactions...like the prostitutes and desperate housewives you slept with.]

{Granny, I know the difference between love and lust. Also they were not desperate! I'm a hunk! Lastly, I do not know if Lysandra would forgive me. Killing her and Calliope was pretty horrible, even though Ares tricked me into doing it.}

* * *

"Well sir, Ma'am, I'd better get going. I'm sure that I along with other staff will be ordered to administer medical treatment to the injured and clean the yard, so I might as well start preparing. Have a nice day!"

Siesta walked off.

[You jerk. You made more work for her!]

{She's probably paid for it. The nobles will be grateful that she is around, and maybe promote her or pay overtime}

Gaia implanted the image of her raising an eyebrow.

{Yeah, guess not. The spoiled brats probably take much for granted. Sort of like the Persian king. Not Spartan like in the least. Luxury weakens them. I'll make it up to her somehow. On my honor.}

[GO AFTER HER!]

{I have to wait for Colbert to return with the maps.}

[Not a shred of romance. Make her your **εἰσπνήλας**!]

{You are not down to Earth Gaia. I will not make her my lover, except for sex without romance.}

* * *

Colbert arrived with parchment scrolls. "In our finest scrolls, you will find nautical maps, astronomical charts, a local map, and world maps. These took years to make, so please be gentle with them."

He handed them to Kratos, who unrolled the world map.

Kratos studied plenty of maps as a General of the Spartan army. This was the worst map he's seen by far.

What he observed now looked like squiggles sketched by a five year old, with arthritis, on opium.

On it, there was a floating continent with waterfalls coming out the bottom and sides. People wore top-hats and monocles while sipping out of teacups.

A second place he guessed to be a country (due to the dividing lines) was filled with bearded stick figures holding mugs and weapons, wore scowls, and had horns growing out of their heads.

The third country had robed men with crosses. The robed men were doing indecent things to children.

The fourth country had men and women, both sporting huge curly mustaches. They fought with cake and bread. Some smoked cigars while others munched on snails.

The last country had sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. Unicorns danced in the sun (it had a smiley face!), farted rainbows, and ate lollipops.

To the east, there was a huge landmass. People lived in lamps, flew on carpets, had pointed ears, and carried curved swords. Curved...Swords.

All other spots on the map contained what looked like oceans. There was a hydra in one spot munching on a sea captain.

* * *

After looking through all the nonsensical maps, Kratos's right eye twitched. None of them had anything that would lead him home.

"Professor. What...are...these?"

Colbert puffed out his chest in pride.  
He pointed out locations in succession.

"Why those are the Founder's countries of Albion, Germania, Romalia, Gallia, and Tristain.

The huge spot to the east is largely unexplored elvish territory.  
Miss Loungeville told me that the artist may need political correctness training, but I said:

"Hey! The division of territory, map scaling and the cultural depictions look accurate to me! It's a masterpiece!" So there you have our best map."

* * *

**Kratos**: What country are you from?

**Colbert**: Tristain.

**Kratos**: "Tristain" ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak Laconian in "Tristain"?

**Colbert**: What?

**Kratos**: Laconian, motherfucker! Do you speak it?

**Colbert**: No!

**Kratos:** Describe what Kratos looks like.

**Colbert:** What...?

**Kratos**_**: **[points blade directly in Colbert's face]_ Say "what" again. Say "what" again. I dare you. I double-dare you, motherfucker. Say "what" one more goddamn time.

**Colbert:** He-he's white.

**Kratos:** Go on.

**Colbert:** He's bald.

* * *

**Gaia:**_*mentally smacks Kratos* Don't you dare continue plagiarizing._

**Kratos:** _Awww. I thought it would be fun._

**Gaia:** _There is more satisfaction to be gained from creating original ideas, or the execution of old ideas well. Kratos, do something that does not suck.  
_

**Kratos: **_You mean timeless. But that speech is timeless!  
_

**Gaia: ***rolls imagined eyes* _Whatever._

* * *

Kratos hoisted Colbert up in the air to strangle him slowly.

"ACHC..GAKKK."

Kratos then had an **OMG WTF BBQ **moment. He saw two moons in the sky. One was red, the other silver.

Kratos set Colbert on the ground.

"Sorry about that professor. Culture shock. I thought you were trying to make a fool out of me, but then I realized you are keeping to your end of the bargain."  
_  
_

"Think nothing of it." _'This crazy man will kill me if I make him mad!'_

Kratos felt like cursing Zeus at the top of his lungs, but he decided to do that later. Right now, he was going to reveal mind blowing information.

"Professor, I am not from this world."

Colbert sealed his doom.

**"...WHAT?!"**

**YOU HAVE DIED**

* * *

Author's notes:

I just read new reviews as I finished typing this chapter.

To Sweet Kagamine Kiss - I love your ideas! I will put thought into how such scenarios would play out.

1) Killing Louise...hmm.. interesting. I am tempted to do it, but then a thought nags me that Louise needs torture in life before dying or changing her ways. A wise dog once said, "Death...is a harsh mistress." Louise is harsh, and acts like a less entertaining and less complex version of Eustace Bagge... so why not give her the dog treatment?

I looked that quote up. There is a book about a moon colony I want to read. Maybe they're related.

Only Napoleon has killed Louise as I recall. It is in another story on this site. Nietzchian wrote it. The title is "_Pushing Burdens."  
_

2) War-raging fun; Sounds good!

* * *

To anonymous guest that is a Louise fan-boy/girl. Though the universe is called TFOZ, Louise alone does not have to be the metaphorical glue that holds fanfic stories together. What makes a good fic is subjective. I myself have trouble believing that Louise owns a monopoly of the entertainment in TFOZ. It really is up to the author to create an interesting story.

Why do you think this website has the maxim "unleash your imagination?" Perhaps a story without Louise may not be in your tastes, but I highly recommend opening your mind to stories that replace the canon main character with another character. My story may not be well written, but I assure you that many authors have written wonderful stories that incorporate OC's and side characters as the mains. I have many more arguments, but now I digress.

* * *

To Killuminator - I thought of a couple ways to introduce the fight scene between Kratos and Guiche, if that's what you mean (even though a rampage through academy grounds just happened)

Maybe you meant Count Mott. Whatever goes down, I will take your comment into consideration and focus on it.

You know that measurement of distance? Kilometer? When I was young I pronounced it Kill-o-meter. I thought it was a meter that had something to do with kills. I'll try adding detail in the combo hit count, as well as flashy stunts.


	6. Bed and Breakfast

Colbert opened his eyes and lowered his arms. _'Why am I not dead yet? Was I imagining it?'_

Kratos understood Colbert's reaction. So he decided to let Colbert say that one "what?" without getting killed.

Colbert sighed. "That's a relief."

"You mean the fact that I am likely stuck on this world?"

"W-WHAT? No!" _'Oh snap! Hope he did not notice!'_

"Then how do you intend to send me back to my planet? My world has one moon, and landmasses are different than what is on your maps."

Interplanetary travel? The notion made Jean's mind reel.

"We never had to send familiars back. There is no such ritual. When a familiar is pulled through the portal and bonded, it stays with its master until one of them dies. After that, it is usually cared for by family or friends. There have been cases when ex-familiars are released into the wild."

Colbert sensed killing intent from Kratos.

"I'm a renowned researcher! One of the best in Tristain! Allow me to investigate a solution!"

This mollified Kratos somewhat. He wanted to leave this strange land ASAP and get back to his own.

Kratos leaned in for a scary scowl. "Be quick about it."

"Y-y-es sir."

* * *

Louise woke up. _'Ugh. My head hurts.' _Willpower depletion feels like a hangover.

She went to Colbert.

"What happened Professor?"

"Kratos is from another world. Until I find a way home for him, he will be staying in this one."

"Oh. Ok.

...

WHAAATTTT?! BUT IT'S INSANE! WHAT IF IT GOES ON MORE KILLING SPREES?"

"Miss Valliere, I share your concerns, but there is not much we can do for the moment. Just don't anger him. Why do refer to him as **_it_**?"

"Because _**IT**_ is _**MY**_ familiar! Can I place a familiar bond as it sleeps?"

"If Kratos is not stupid, he won't make himself easily vulnerable. He may hide, or have lookouts keep watch as he rests. It takes space, expensive reagents, and time to draw a binding circle.

Furthermore, sleep spells have proven ineffective against him, for unknown reasons. Might be due to that golden armlet he wears. I saw him reflect spells with it."

"What reagents are needed for the binding circle?"

"Diamond dust, angel dust, crystal meth, gold bricks shat out of the elusive Richie, eye of newt, liver of blaspheming..."

"My allowance can't pay for all that! And I have no idea what half of them are!"

"That's only a small part of the recipe. Don't worry about it. I do not know where it comes from. I just buy it from crazy men who claim to be from another world.

I think they're all on drugs. Maybe Kratos is on drugs too...

Our tuition fees and endowment funds have been invested for the school year. We have a strict budget to adhere to.

If you want this familiar bound, but not killed, you'll need to acquire funding. We milk our contributors enough as is.

I will not beg for more money. Fundraising is possible.

Perhaps you could go into the city of Tristain, and find a job?"

"And work among commoner rabble? No thanks.

Let's alert the militia! Send a message to the palace! I demand justice!"

"Justice? Or revenge?"

"Same difference! We must punish this unruly familiar and make it obey! That or kill it!"

Colbert sighed at Louise's pride and stupidity. She was butthurt by today's events.

Kratos is no ordinary man.

"You can try, but don't be surprised if he catches on, then painfully kills you.

There is no WE if YOU do not do this MY way. I doubt that you will be subtle. So far, you've consistently yelled out your intentions for the world to hear.

I'll be smart and have the headmaster spy on him using wards, and with his mouse familiar. If we can gain Kratos's trust, and anticipate his behavior and routines, we will have a much easier time catching him off guard.

Messages have been sent to the palace. If the royals barge in to attack Kratos, but fail, we are fucked. For now, this is a covert operation. Maybe we can convince our outside aid to be cautious.

I'll tell kitchen cooks to slip poison in Kratos's meals if he allows them to prepare food for him.

Miss Valliere, there may be hope for you yet. You won't be expelled until it is absolutely certain that you are unable to bind Kratos, or summon another creature if Kratos dies anytime soon. As his summoner, you may be essential for taming the beast in him, assuming he is not killed first.

_(Valliere money is still good here. High risk, high reward. If Kratos is bound, we have a student with a powerful familiar at the academy's disposal. Louise is bound by her overblown noble honor to repay us._

_I believe in the long run, it would be more beneficial to leave Louise's family in the dark about the bloody incidents and failed attempt to bind Kratos. The academy must stay afloat as it pays reparations to families of dead students. With many dead, our costs have been cut somewhat. We may need to auction off items in the treasure vault. If I could shift the blame from myself and Louise to dead teachers, we will be golden. Osmond will help me with my alibi. He can not afford to lose any more reasonably competent staff, with years of teaching experience. Most witnesses who knew that Louise attempted to bind Kratos are dead. Everybody else just saw a deranged man on a rampage. Louise, Siesta, and I know that he came out of the portal, unlike the others. Our testimonies will hold enough weight considering the lack of evidence and witnesses.)_

* * *

Louise was walking back to her room to rest for the night.

_'More classes tomorrow. Today was tiring. Good thing I have a cozy bed! The custom package my rich family paid for has the finest accommodations! Too bad I have no familiar to bond with. Tomorrow will be lonely... *sigh* '_

Louise reached her room. The door was ajar. She pulled out her wand and walked in.

"WHH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!"

Kratos stood next to the wardrobe in her room.

It held up a pair of her frilly underpants. Piles of her clothing littered the floor.

{How are these so stretchy and soft? If I found a larger size, I would gift some to my wife. If she hadn't died.}

"PERVERT!"

"WHAT? NO! I'M NOT INTERESTED IN A SEXLESS CHILD LIKE YOU!"

Louise sputtered with indignation.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY UNDERWEAR THEN?"

"I came here for cloth to clean my weapons. I discovered the location of your room. Since you summoned me here and then treated me like shit, I decided to take your clothes. {That sounds wrong}

And I was only wondering why these were so soft! I would gift them to women I liked, if they were not child size."

Louise felt the urge to grab her whip as Kratos studied a bra she bought. She never wore it, it was just to see how she would look if she stuffed it.

It was unlike anything he'd ever seen.

"Impractical for a sling."

"That's my bra!"

"Huh...women's bras where I come from tend to be plain strips of cloth wrapped around breasts to restrict growth."

"Really? Do the women have small breasts?"

"Not all of them. The breasts are bound for practicality. In areas near my homeland, lots of women have large breasts." {Prostitutes really flaunt them}

Louise became angrier as it selected her finest shirts to steal.

"I need a place to sleep."

"Well I'm sure you can find other beds in this academy!"

"You have two beds though."

Louise only saw her comfy, King-sized mattress. It's bedposts and headboard gave off a majestic sheen. The bed had a canopy of rich red velvet, and the softest quilts, pillows, and sheets a noble could ask for.

Kratos pointed to the meager hay pile that lay on the cold, stone floor. "That's the one you wanted me to sleep in? Well, too bad. I call top bunk!"

Kratos dived into her covers.

"I don't have a bunk bed!"

"I SAID...TOP.. BUNK!"

"THIS IS UNFAIR!"

"Life is unfair. Telling me that you would starve me for a week, after pulling me away from my home is unfair. Get used to it."

* * *

Louise cried to herself as she lay in the hay. She imagined herself as a dominatrix, using her torture tools, harsh words, and her boots to discipline commoners she did not like.

She had whips, shackles, gags, paddles, a wooden horse, a stretching rack, binding straps, stocks, a heretic's fork, and leather clothing. Kratos had many lashes on his body and was grovelling at her feet.

"I love you mistress Louise! Please spare my stupid, barbaric, smelly, unworthy hide! I am a lowly familiar. You are the best master and your flat chest looks sexy!"

Louise cackled an evil laugh, then stopped herself. Kratos stared at her from the other end of the room.

"On second thought, you can have top. I'll sleep outside."

Kratos kicked a hole in her wall, grabbed her comfy bed, and then jumped out.

Louise expected her familiar to be a bloody pulp after falling a few stories, but then frowned as she saw it set her bed next to a big tree.

Hold on, did it just kick a hole in her wall? Great, more damages she needed to pay for.

She was not even going to bother yelling. The day tired her out too much. She would get back at it later.

She shivered as a cold draft entered the room. She placed her piles of clothing over herself to keep warm.

_'Stupid familiar. How dare it.'_

* * *

[Nice bed Kratos. Do you intend to bed that maid on it?]

{No Gaia. I intend to bring the familiars, and old men onto it.}

[Really? I never pegged you as the type to have sick sexual fetishes.]

{... just keep watch over me as I sleep. Not as a pervert mind you, but for my safety.

You do not need sleep as a tree correct?}

[Yes. Neither do you with your powers, but that bed looks damn comfy! Good night Kratos.]

{You bet your obese wooden ass it does. G'Night.}

[I'm fluffy. You jerk.]

* * *

**The next morning...**

Kratos woke up in the courtyard on his new bed. It was a nice bed. The down covers kept him warm. He could swear that his nightmares were less intense while sleeping in it!

Louise felt groggy. She cracked her back to get the stiffness out. The coldness and tension of her muscles caused slight tearing of the fibers in her back. She would have posture problems if this kept up.

_'Breakfast.'_

Louise trudged toward the Alviss dining hall.

She perked up at the delectable aromas that flowed through her nostrils. Noble foods were top notch!

But then her spirits sank when she saw Kratos.

The nobles around him were sweating profusely, except for Malicorne.

Malicorne was a stocky boy. Eating was one of his passions. He had a determined look that said "you're gonna have to do better than the slaughter of thousands of innocents to get me to walk an additional minute to the kitchens. Too much exercise. I won't ask for my meal to be brought elsewhere."

Louise bit her lip. Kratos is sitting at the table! Preposterous! Tables are reserved for nobles only!

Even worse, it is digging into the food before everyone said customary grace!

Louise spoke, "Kratos! You did not say grace!"

Kratos, with a mouth full of ham said:

"fuck the gods!"

Students gasped and whispered among each other.

"Blasphemy! There is only founder Brimir!"

"Yup. There will be an inquisition for Louise and her heretic familiar."

"They're as good as dead."

* * *

Louise screeched like a harpy. Kratos hates harpies. {She does not look that different from one. Add boobs, wings, replace the hands and feet with talons and voilà! Harpy Louise!}

"How dare you soil the founder's memory you insolent dog! Especially here! No commoner has ever been allowed to eat in this dining hall! You should feel honored! This table, the food on it, and the hall's atmosphere is for nobles! I made arrangements to allow you entrance to this dining hall. I also spoke with kitchen staff to set up your meals!"

"Did you now? What will I be eating?"

Louise pointed to the floor next to her seat. There was a low bowl on the ground. It held a tiny piece of bread, and what looked like murky grey water.

{You're kidding. This is a mean joke.}

A man with an apron came toward Kratos. He spoke in a hushed tone.

"Hi, I'm Pierre from the kitchens. Sorry, but all the bowls on the table are filled with food for the nobles. Not that they eat much of it. Greedy, picky, wasteful bastards. Umm..could you not take too long eating? That's my dog's bowl. Fido usually eats about now."

Kratos was almost in a trance. He could not believe this was happening. Maybe a bit of food will help him think.

He bit the bread. It was hard and stale. If he was only human, his teeth would be broken. He tried to wash it down with the grey liquid (gruel? stew? toilet water?) but spat it out. It tasted horrible.

* * *

Kratos thought of killing Louise in ways to make her pain last. Then he thought about his late wife's nagging.

**...FLASHBACK...**

**"**Kratos! You know how much I hate the violence in your job!"

**"**Can't be helped woman."

Lysandra pouted.

"You are changing Kratos. I know you have duties as a soldier, but you must remember that you also have your family, your community, yourself..."

"Lysandra..."

"Let me finish... I want to be there for you...but you are always on the move. Always on duty. I did not anticipate that you would be such a workaholic when we married. Calliope always says "where is daddy? I miss him." I tell her you are at work. She asks what you do at work. I do not want to tell her all the things your friends have told me."

{Note to self, beat up friends, and make them pay for next round of drinks.}

"Somebody has to do it. The barbarian hordes threaten our security. I must lead our Spartans to victory."

"You've done more than enough! You were allowed to retire at 30! Now you are going batshit crazy from the excess of stress! It affects us here at home! How much is enough Kratos?! When will it end?!"

"When the glory of Sparta is known throughout the world!"

"The glory of Sparta...you did this for yourself! What about the time you ripped the head off the comedian roasting you? Was that for the glory of Sparta?"

"...

Yes. He called me a poopnose!"

"I told you to wash your hands and face after you covered it in people's intestines. It's sanitary."

**...End Of Flashback...**

* * *

{What a nagger. She did keep me clean though. In more ways than one. What else did she say? Golden rule, react in proper proportion to the situation, don't feed the trolls...}

Kratos decided that lessons had to be learned the hard way. Sometimes people were not worthy of their lives. Louise being one of them. But Kratos just washed his hands with lavender soap. Mmmm...smells amazing!

He did not finish eating, so it would not do if he covered his hands in blood. Should he kick or tackle her? Maybe chairs?

{No...I have a better idea.}

* * *

"Louise. I would like to repay you for this meal."

Kratos set the bowl on the table in front of Louise.

"That's more like it. But I doubt someone as lowborn as you has anything of worth to offer me. I mean really, what will you do? Lick the lint from between my toes?"

The sad thing is, Louise was not trying to insult Kratos.

She was half asleep; that helped her bitch level rise over 9000.

She would be more wary of angering Kratos had she been well rested.

Verbal abuse was a part of her, like most nobles. When they try, they get REAL nasty.

Inbred and honed to perfection, they insult commoners to feel good.

Kratos grabbed hair behind Louise's head next to her scalp, then slammed her face into the bowl. He held her face inside the bowl as the other nobles looked on, stupefied.

"SWALLOW!"

Siesta and Kirche had indecent thoughts.

Louise struggled, but Kratos was too strong for her. The bowl was flat enough on the bottom, so it did not tip.

Louise gulped the foul liquid so she would not choke from lack of air.

Once the bowl Louise drank from was empty, Kratos sat back down at the table, finished his plate, then left.

* * *

Colbert watched Kratos leave the dining hall. The teacher ran in with a wide grin on his face.

"Ms. Valliere! We did it! I supplied the special laxative in Kratos's food and you convinced the staff to put it in! Sorry, I did not have ingredients gathered for the paralysis potion as we agreed upon, so I substituted it with the good stuff! He will have stomach aches so bad, he will be begging for the explosive diarrhea to stop. I doubt a man can fight with what I gave him! It is enough to make a dragon sick for days and humans for weeks!"

"Ouuughhhh..."

"Miss Louise? Are you alright?" He looked down at the bowl in front of Louise."

"Dear Brimir..I did not consider the possibility that he would make students taste test. Or eat so much of his meal." Colbert sniffed the bowl.

"What is this stuff?! What did you think human familiars ate? Did you threaten kitchen staff to make this because of you had pride and "infallible" noble logic? Even emaciated commoners would not eat something as horrid as this!"

Louise's tummy was unhappy. *GURGLEGLURP- PFFFFFTTTTT SCHLUP*

A foul stench filled the dining hall.

"GROSS LOUISE!"

"No class at all! No magic, and no bowel control!"

"OPEN THE WINDOWS!"

"Wind spells pl0x. Kthx."

Colbert held his nose.

"I'll levitate you to the infirmary. We can get your stomach pumped there."

Colbert lifted the petite girl and took her along, all while a brown trail formed on the ground.

_'Why is it the norm for girls to wear skirts? Men are the ones with balls, and it feels comfy to not have them bound. Men in Isles off the coast of Albion wear skirts by tradition! And how did it become dress code for the girls here to wear such short mini-skirts?! Oh...right...Osmond.'_

* * *

**Author Notes: More ranting  
**

My story moves so slow. QQ

I will change this if I can. I should try to not explain every little thing, or put in filler thoughts that enter my mind.

More references are in this chapter. Nostalgia.

* * *

Review Responses:

Thanks Zaralann. Your encouragement put a dopey grin on my face!

Vasilidor - Feel and think what you want. Some people say "it's a matter of perspective."

I agree, the familiar binding can be likened to slavery, and Louise is a spoiled brat.

Some people are into abuse, others will not like it.

Lots of people ignore the elephant in the room. Others see no problem at all. Can fiction be dangerous? Possibly.

"WHIPPING TIME YOU INSOLENT DOG!"

I did not finish watching the anime because I felt that the attempt at humor became too lowbrow for me. The formula: Saito does some stupid perverted shit (or he is framed) and he gets punished by dominatrix Louise. Other girls join in to cause him endless grief. What does he do about it? Feel sorry for himself.

Summary of what I watched: Evil magical girl enslaves a sick in the head teenaged boy and perpetrates abuse. Perpetually. He develops battered woman syndrome. Cue adventures in which he gives her everything he has and still gets treated like shit.

People say the light novels are better. I do not know, for I have not read them.

Say no to abusive relationships. Don't expect the abuser to take kindly to rejection. It helps to plan ahead. It helps to have true friends, a caring community, smart people who will be impartial and flexible in lawful judgement. Sometimes, the going gets tough. Everyone has flaws. Know and stand up for your rights, don't be isolated, and learn how to kick ass. That's the general idea. There are many factors involved in getting what you want in life.


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